16 Things To Consider When Getting Serious in a Relationship
Getting serious in a relationship is an exciting time. The future is bright and hopeful and it’s heartwarming to have found a partner to share your life with. But, because things are getting serious, it’s important to give it the respect it deserves and understand that with commitment can also come added stresses.
Most people, naturally, get caught up in the romance of meeting ‘THE ONE’ and planning a life together. But, in doing so it’s so easy to skip over a few vital steps for having a long-lasting, fruitful relationship. Things like exploring each other’s values, for one. Asking if they are similar, and if there are areas of compromise that may need to be explored. Communication is key.
If you feel like you can relate to this — or find yourself getting close to taking that next step — here are a few things to consider for conversation:
Communication styles
How do you both communicate? Can you talk about difficult things and listen to each other’s points of view?House work
Who does what around the house, or is everything equally shared?Finances
Who pays for what, in terms of finances with outgoings, savings and bank accounts?Earnings
Is there a difference with each other’s earnings? Will this cause power issues further down the road?Children
Have children been talked about past ‘one day it would be nice’? Are those timelines the same or even been explored in reality? Is having children out of the equation for one of you?
It’s worth stating how important having children is — if it’s a deal breaker, how many children you hope to have, and what (if for any reason) you want to do if you are unable to conceive. Would you consider adoption or fostering?Balancing children and careers
What are your expectations about having a family and continuing with your career and exploring childcare options, do these things Aline with each other?.Step children
What is the reality of sharing your home with your partner’s children from a previous relationship? How do you get on with them? And if you both have children from a previous relationship, what is their relationship with each other like?Values
Are your parenting values and the way you parent the same? And if not, how will you overcome the differences and problems?Sex drive
Does your sex drive match each other’s? And what does intimacy mean to each of you?Life insurance
Discuss life insurance to cover the death of a partner so you can leave them with financial security. Or do you want to leave your financial payout to someone else? You may have a company life insurance policy, so find out if this has been changed to be left to your partner.Writing a will
Who do you leave your assets too?Pre-Nuptials
Is this important to you?Family values
Do you or your partner have extended family commitments?Pets
Do you want them?Core values
Discover the essence of why you want to commit to each other.Needs and desires
What are your individual needs and desires? Is there something missing, that you would like, that would make you feel more valued and secure?
Of course, things can change over time. What you once thought you wanted may not be your desire or reality in the future. But these are important things to discuss up front, along with many more that these questions may inspire. Doing so can save future disappointment and disillusion. Which is why it is equally important to keep these lines of communication open and check in periodically.
If you’re struggling in taking that next step in your relationship or would like guidance in helping you and your partner take that next step, therapy is a safe and productive way to do it. Reach out today and together, we can build solid foundations for you and your partner to take the next step confidently.